Diabetes burnout?

June 18, 2010

Most of the time, I’m completely fine that I’ve had this disease for so long. I’m completely fine explaining that yes, I am healthy and can have kids at some point. I’m usually pretty patient when someone says a completely ignorant comment (although my mind is screaming otherwise) and try my best to give them the correct information. I’m even patient when someone tells me, “Oh, diabetes! Yeah, that’s what caused my grandmother’s brother’s wife’s uncle’s cousin to go blind and have her leg cut off.”

But sometimes…sometimes it’s just too much, and I feel like I’m carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders by trying to deal with all of this on my own. It pains me that I don’t really have anyone around me who can relate. Most of my solace is found on Twitter, Facebook, blogs, and forums, where I can interact with fellow type 1’s and we can all share in our joy and misery. While I’m not as close to the diabetes online community as I’d like to be, just knowing someone is there makes me feel better.

But sometimes I wish I could just pick up the phone (or I guess, in this day and age, text message and/or IM) and vent to someone who just knows.

Knows without my having to explain what a basal rate is and that I think mine off and needs to be tweaked.

Knows that it’s just one of those days where I’m bouncing all over the place for no reason.

Knows that, when I towel off after a shower, or get dressed in the morning, I need to pause for a second to think about where my pod and sensor are placed so I don’t end up knocking them off.

Knows that, when I choose a seat on the bus or train, I need to pause for a second to think about where my pod and sensor are placed so someone else doesn’t knock them off.

Knows that even though you are or you have lived with this, mine is not the same as yours and vice versa, and no, you cannot “literally feel my pain.”

Knows the excitement of getting a 6.2 A1C back from the lab, or having a fasting bg of under 100.

Knows that a beeping sound isn’t freaking me out because it’s a high-pitched noise, but because I’m scared it’s my pod malfunctioning.

Knows the highs and lows (literally and emotionally) of living with this.

I’m not quite sure if what I’m feeling qualifies as burnout. I don’t match up with the symptoms of depression. I honestly don’t know about this rut I’ve been in for the past few days, but I do know that sometimes I just need someone who knows what’s up without me having to explain the story of my life.


One comment

  1. Great post. Your words resonate with me, and honestly the DOC has been the best place to find that comfort and understanding not found anywhere else. I’m at the same point, on the brink of D-burnout (again). Even those closest around me, like my wife, don’t get it and you can only talk so much about it and hear them talk about how they understand, when they don’t. It does weigh on you. Hope your feeling passes soon, if it hasn’t already. Good luck. And I’ll look forward to seeing you around the Diabetes Online Community!

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